Recovering from some huge life choices I made is not easy, I don’t think it’s ever easy to come to terms with the decisions we’ve made, especially when we recognize them as a mistake.

Life tends to be a series of choices. Choices that range from what should I have for dinner to what should I do with the rest of my life. We tend to make many choices a day, most of them without even thinking about like getting up and going to work rather than sleeping in, taking the car or a bus instead of walking or biking. Some of our choices lead to good things for us, some of them lead to less than good things.

Some choices are obvious, but some choices are harder to distinguish, choices like going to a wedding and having to deal with relatives and family you are still not sure how to relate to.

I’ve made a lot of choices in my life, many of them I regret. Some of the decisions I’ve made have been questionable, but I like to believe that my decisions are usually good or me. Recently I’ve been using the power of NowConsciousness to make better decisions, and it helps a lot! But it only makes it even more difficult when you have NowConsciousness and still make a bad decision.

Some of the biggest regrets in my life though are not decisions I’ve made but rather decisions I didn’t make- opportunities I should’v made but didn’t. Opportunities with people I could’v been with, places I could go or experienced I could’v had but didn’t because of feeling too much fear and insecurity.

I remember this one time when I was still in school, and a girl came over to my house to hang out and ended up taking her shirty off. I was very shy at the time and wasn’t sure what to do or how to respond. She ended up putting her top back on and leaving.

Another regret I have is not staying in Yellow Spring longer, picking up an old 86 Cadi I could’v driven and got a simple job. I already had a nice place to live and an amazing girl who was everything I could dream of, not simply being open to polyamory but wanted us to bring more people in. But I made the decision that I wanted more in my life, I felt a calling for something else, I was drawn to New York so this is where I came. Sometimes I wonder how my life would be now if I chose to stay instead.

Here in New York though I learned of NowConsciousness and the NowAge, and the amazing experiences I’ve had have definitely worth it. Now that I am living in the Now, any decision I make is mine. There is no one else I can blame for my decisions, which only makes making wrong decisions so much harder.

Before if I made a wrong choice it was because of fear, insecurity and not knowing what I want. But the first key of Now is to know what you want. I know what I want and I make my decisions accordingly.

And yet I still felt fear, still felt insecure, even though I knew what I wanted and my decision did not match what I wanted. This is the drawback of being so in tune with your own energy. When I feel that a decision is not good and is not in line with what I really want horrible bad things will happen. If the God is the self and you defy your own word you are defying God’s word, for your word when in the Now is in line with God’s word. If I make a condition for myself, if I set myself something it is my duty to follow through with it and follow my word to the letter.

And yet I did not do that. I pressured myself into feeling like this was what was expected of me, yet it was not what I had expected from myself. I had a clear idea this was not the decision I wanted, I felt it was not good for me, I asked for signs and saw that they were not good. I made the decision anyways. I had abandoned God, NowAge and the three keys because of myself, because I made the decision to live for other people and not for my passion.

I made the decision and I paid for it. I am STILL paying for it. I lost money, I lost my girlfriend, I lost face, I lost much respect and went through horrible mental anguish. Most of all though I lost my faith in myself. My faith in my mission and passion. I regret that the most.

How do I recover from such a horrible decision? How do I forgive myself? Do I try to hack it back to the life I had before or do I try to make a new one, salvaging what I can. How will I be able to relate to other people Without my confidence in myself, knowing I let myself down so badly?

Our mistakes can serve as lessons, but I can only hope the lesson is not too late.

The choices we make are an important part of out life, they define who we are and what we do. If we make choices that are not in line with who we are and what our mission is they will come back and hurt us. We must make our decisions in congruence with what it is that we truly want, no matter who it may hurt or who might be disappointed in you. I’ve definitely found that it is worse to be disappointed in myself rather than having someone else disappointed in you.

The only solution I know is the keep following the path NowAge unfolds in front of me. Making decisions about the future is easy when you do them Now, you can always vow to wake up tomorrow at an earlier time or to lose 20 Lbs this year. It’s following through with your decisions that is difficult. The real decisions you make are the ones you make Now, the decision to wake up Now, to do that project Now, to turn off facebook and finish that task you’ve been putting off Now. There is no other time than Now, and if you do not make the decision Now you are never making that decision.

I do vow that from Now I will follow the Now and make decisions Now that will always be what I want and what is inline with who I am and the mission I stand for. Can you make such a commitment to yourself?

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